I love you?/ Wednesday, July 22, 2009
i have hidden all this deep down in my heart till today. i cannot take it anymore. i smoked in front of them. just to gain ur attention. i act like i am very happy. so that no one will ask about u anymore. i work everyday. so i can have no time to think about u. i drink all the time. so i can get drunk enough to forget. this year. i lost almost everything. my school, u, my parents are overseas. my friends are all studying or in the army. when i need someone to talk to. i can only write them here. cuz even if i tell someone. they wouldnt understand how it feels to be me. maybe this is just a piece of cake compared to the people that lives in the 3rd world country. but i need someone to be there. i have this feeling bursting out of me. the loneliness. the helplessness. i know i brought this upon myself. i have no one to blame. but at least give me a place to vent it all out. i am suffocating.
i remember watching mayday concert with u. on the day that u are sick. i remember taking lots of photos with u. and till now. all my past photos are 90% the ones with u. i remember that u like mashed potato so much i had to buy them for u during ur trainings. i remember going to OBS with u. and kissed u with my sausage lips. i remember the first time u rebond ur hair. and meeting me after that to ask me how u look. i remember taking boing boing down for a walk. and play with him together. i remember u crying so sad. on the day u say his head tilt. i remember taking boing boing to the vet with u. and ask about his conditions each time i remember throwing my temper on u. even though i was in the wrong. i remember waking up everyday. just to wait for you at yew tee MRT. and send u to work. i remember going to pasir ris tgt. and looking at puppies. i remember shopping with u for new year clothes. i remember roller blading with u at east coast park. and pushed u to the grass in case u fall on hard grounds. i remember waiting at teck whye. just to see you for half an hour before sending u to school. i remember waiting at jurong east station. just to fetch u from work. i remember eating on time. so i dun get gastric pain and make u worried. i remember waiting at pj. just to send u home. i remember going to zoo with u. i remember our overseas trip. i remember both of us are the first to catch a fish before your family members. i remember snorkling with u. looking at the underwater creatures tgt. i remember sitting at the seaside bar with you. drinking tgt for the first time. i remember the first time u go to underwater world. with me. i remember reminding u to stand properly. in case anything happens to ur knee. i remember u learning all sorts of badminton shots. just to play with me. i remember u sitting on the pirate ship with me. and telling me u are scared. i remember walking around genting with u. hand in hand. i remember u scolding me fuck for the first time. and crying in my arms the next morning i show up. i remember u cooking porridge for me. when i broke my leg and cannot walk. i remember u accompanying me to the sinseh. just to get my leg treated. i remember u crying with me. when u gave the the 30 post cards u wrote for me. i remember how excited i was. when ur father invite me over to his birthday dinner. i remember playing pool with u. almost everyday after your work. i remember watching movies with u everytime a show that u like comes out. i remember buying milk for a little kitten. cuz u said it look pitiful. i remember going to sentosa with u. with us helping each other to put sun tan lotions. i remember how much i love u. and how much u love me. and till now den i realise. is that i still love u as much as before. maybe even more. its not that i ignore u. but i know. i couldnt face it. i dont dare to look at ur blog. ur facebook. your everything. i thought i could fall in love easily again. and forget all about u. but i realise that i cant. maybe for now? but right now. i think i am not able to do it. or i should say. i cant love any one else. maybe someday we will be tgt again. but now. i really hope u are happy with the other guy. i give u my blessings. all the best in everything u do.
Labels: memories
Where were you when skies were grey
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